4 Overlooked Skills In English Communication
In English communication, I personally believe there are skills and sub-skills that are inherently learned by native English communicators that are not explicitly taught to non-native English speakers.
They are skills and abilities that you learn subconsciously, are exposed to growing up and internalize but may seem strange to a non-native English speaker. Nobody actually sits you down and explains them to you explicitly, but you gradually subconsciously learn they are effective tools for communication.
Now, I acknowledge that I am largely generalizing across all English-speaking countries but my experience primarily speaks to Canada so take it with a grain of salt. I have my own biases, I have my own experiences and so some of these thoughts or opinions may not resonate completely with you, but I think it's a worthwhile starting point for reflection.
Ultimately, this difference in subtle communication skills can and may differentiate between native and non-native English communication styles.
1. Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.
A good communicator knows when to repeat themselves. A good communicator knows how to repeat themselves or a message in a way that is meaningful.
We cannot always control our thoughts, but we can control our words, and repetition impresses the subconscious, and we are then master of the situation. — Jane Fonda
Native English communications will repeat things. They repeat for emphasis, they repeat for confirmation, and they repeat for clarity.
Non-native English communicators repeat things too. They repeat because they are misheard and misunderstood and need to repair a breakdown.
Think about that. The intention and reason for repetition are very different. Those are very two extremes on polar opposite ends of the spectrum. One is taking a proactive stance, to drive home a point or line of thinking, while the other is taking a reactionary stance, to fix an error.
They also hold very different feelings about the communicator. One is intentional and coming from a place of power, superiority, confidence. I am highlighting a specific idea that I want my audience to understand or appreciate.
The other is coming from inadequacy, communication repair, and feelings of negative association. I am restating what I said earlier because I was not understood, I didn't communicate well enough, my sounds are not understandable.
Repetition is no longer a tool for emphasis but a tool for getting the original message out successfully for the first time.
Oftentimes, my clients gauge their communication progress or clarity on anecdotal feelings of not having to repeat themselves as often. On the one hand, that can be empowering and an obvious positive feedback loop.
2 weeks ago I had to repeat myself 2 times. This week, I didn't have to repeat myself.
It can be a positive experience with immediate real-time feedback. However, it isn't used as a gauge for native English speakers as well. Instead, It's used as a technique for the audience to remember take-aways from an interaction.
So What Do Native English Speakers Use Repetition For?
1) Verifying Comprehension
In specific circumstances, repetition lets you communicate what you heard. It gives you a second to rephrase or repeat complex information to verify your comprehension.
So, what you're saying is Jimmy spoke to Paul about the business plan and Paul didn't agree?
2) Segmentation
In some specific contexts, repetition can be an effective tool for segmenting ideas or slowing down people when they speak.
One of my clients often had to deal with large sequences of numbers. Without segmentation, a string of numbers can be hard to remember easily or chunk into memory.
if you've ever worked in retail, think about an inventory SKU number or if you've worked in telemarketing, think of the hundreds of phone numbers. In North America, the standard is to block off phone numbers in (XXX) XXX-XXXX.
(3) + 3 + 4
Have you ever noticed that when you say phone numbers aloud, you pace them accordingly as well? You add a slight pause between the first 3 numbers and middle three numbers. You also do that before the final 4.
So the next time you need to listen to phone numbers, you can naturally repeat numbers after the speaker to pace them.
Speaker: My phone number is 6045
You: 6-0-4
Speaker: 527
You: 5-2-7
Speaker: 4441
You: 4-4-4-1
You: So that number is 604-527-4441
You can be an effective communicator and do it intentionally with other long sequences like SKU numbers.
103010 becomes 103-010
105429 becomes 105-429
105472 becomes 105-472
There's no rule that you need to group numbers into groups of 3 but groups of 2-4 are probably easiest.
Also, just a heads up. I dislike when people repeat the last few words when I speak to them if there's no real purpose or intention. If you (out of habit) repeat the last 2-3 words that I say, after every single sentence I say to you, then it's not a helpful thing to do and it does not convince me that you are listening. I imagine people do it to say, "Look, I repeated the last 3 words you said to me, that shows I am actively listening to you." But to me, if you do that every single time I speak, it is simply a habit and not a genuine interest or hold communicative intent.
2. Non-Verbal Cues.
There are things that have nothing to do with the words that are vital for communication.
The way you stand or are sitting when you talk.
The way you look while you are talking.
The way your hands move or don't move when you talk.
These things matter to English communicators because they give us extra information. If it didn't matter, speaking with our eyes closed would be a lot more commonplace. Sure, we can talk with our eyes closed but it doesn't feel natural and is not nearly as commonly seen.
Eye Contact.
Eye contact should be maintained directly and broken intermittently. It is common for English speakers to look at you in the eyes but also look away or close their eyes sometimes. If you had to think percentages, let's say a rough ballpark of 70% looking into someone's eyes, 30% looking away. Looking 100% into someone's eyes is intimidating or scrutinizing. Looking 0% into someone's eyes is uncaring, bored, preoccupied or disrespectful. Depending on the context, it can be offensive or appropriate so reading the room or the atmosphere is important.
Smile.
Smiling helps convey the sincerity and light-hearted or positive feelings you have. Even while you talk, imaging a smile or trying to smile while you talk engages mouth muscles that people notice. It may not change the clarity or sound of your speech but it can communicate emotion.
Ever hear of the Resting Bitch Face? Sometimes, this is because someone's resting face is too flat or neutral. People may interpret this as disinterest. So if you are in fact neutral or interested, smiling is a visual cue you can do.
Hands.
When compared with other cultures, predominantly English communicators do not rely on hand gestures as much as others. I'd say in North America, they are expected and commonplace but there aren't necessary. Whereas in Italian, hand gestures can actually be needed in communicating, they are helpful but not necessary in North America. Standard hand gestures include pointing to guide someone's gaze, yes & no gestures to be redundant with what is said, and any extras are for flair.
Depending on how expressive you are with your hands or how dynamic you are in your communication, hand movement is an extension of that. It would be weird to be introverted and quiet with large hand movements or loud, extroverted and dynamic with no hand movement. Hand use should match your level of expressiveness.
3. Culture
Depending on where you are speaking English in the world, the local and national culture may dictate specific social norms. Extending beyond the words you say, the culture of a place can impact the overall communication of your message. So, do a little bit of extra work and save yourself some awkward miscommunications.
Imagine you brought pork to a Muslim potluck
Imagine you didn't bow when greeting in Japan
Imagine you tried to shake hands with a Muslim woman
Imagine you wore your shoes in an Asian person's home
Culture dictates what is socially appropriate and acceptable. If you assume something is appropriate or inappropriate in North American culture, you may be making an incorrect assumption and perhaps misrepresent yourself or your message.
Many of these cultural faux pas are because of a miscommunication or lack of understanding between different cultures and can ruin introductions. For example, making physical contact with a Muslim woman (e.g. via handshakes, hugs) may not be appropriate. Assuming you are trying to be hospitable and welcoming, you may feel shunned or treated rudely by a refusal to shake hands. Five minutes later, there's an awkward tension where you feel slighted and she feels her personal bubble has been invaded and neither of you walk away from the interaction paying attention to what the other person said.
Another business-related example, would be in North American business culture, all who are present at a meeting are generally welcome to give his or her opinion regardless of age or business hierarchies. The boss can speak. The manager can speak. The entry-level worker can speak. Each perspective is valuable and provides a different view on the potential problems and solutions available.
In Japanese culture, this may be inappropriate as there is a hierarchy of authority and only the highest authority figures can express their opinions. Speaking out of turn or not waiting for the most senior or expert personnel can communicate disrespect, disregard for the team and signal a lack of team cohesion. Now imagine an international meeting between North American and Japanese business partners. On the one hand, the North American team is very chatty, multiple members speak up and express their opinions or concern. On the other hand, only one single member of the Japanese team speaks up. Everyone else is quietly listening but no one expresses an opinion or perspective. It can be easy for the North American team to interpret the silence of the Japanese team as uninterested, unengaged, or incompetent for the lack of contribution to the discussion. From the Japanese perspective, the North American team can be considered chaotic, rude, and disunited. Shouldn't the North American team distill the problems and prioritize only the most pressing to be presented by their lead team member?
Recognizing the cultural differences when you step into an interaction helps you navigate the associated assumptions involved.
4. Pacing. How Fast or Slow Do You Speak?
President JFK was a master of pacing, alternating between fast and slow to keep the audience engaged and attentive.
Pace matters. But not in the way, non-native English speakers usually think. Non-native speakers think faster equals better - that faster equals more proficient. Many other skills are like that. If I can chop the onions faster, it probably means my cooking and knife skills are probably better.
However, in English communication, it isn't the speed which is important (except maybe in auctioneering), but rather the variation in speed that is important.
One of the techniques that English communicators will use is to change their pacing. Sometimes they talk slowly, other times they talk fast.
A fast rate of speech can communicate:
a sense of urgency
excitement
passion
emotion
A slow rate of speech can communicate:
importance
sadness
confusion
the introduction of new ideas
By alternating between fast and slow regularly, listeners are engaged because they cannot predict what or how you'll speak next. That means that the sound doesn't become boring or drone on.
So first, native English speakers use pacing to keep their speech interesting as well as communicate specific nuances about their content. Imagine a little boy yelling quickly, "I need to go pee! I need to go pee!". He's saying it fast, in a loud pitch and repeating himself to make sure you understand the importance of his words.
Slowing down the pace is another way to command attention. Sometimes, communicators will drag out a word or sound, to convey they are not done speaking but give them enough time to think. It can be like a placeholder when you aren't ready to give up the spotlight or attention when people are listening to you talk.
"Wellllllllllllll, I think we should pursue Plan B instead because we are not hitting our sales targets."
"I donnnnntttt think we should do that"
In these instances, the extra few seconds that extending the vowel sound buys the communicator extra time to think. This can help to strategically formulate more coherent thoughts, for better arguments or gather your thoughts.
So Have You Mastered These Skills?
Take some time to evaluate if you've seen, heard or applied these skills yourself. It could be the unlock for some of you to take your communication skills to the next level.
Furthermore, this may be the first time someone has specifically written about these differences in native and non-native English communication.
If you have any questions about what I wrote, let me know. I'd be happy to know what kind of content you would be interested in reading about in more detail.
