Reading The Room - The skill Before You Open Your Mouth.
An important skill to learn when communicating is the ability to read the room.
This is one’s ability to discern the context of a group discussion and determining appropriate and inappropriate ways to present yourself. This includes the content of discussion, your delivery, your physical attire and body language as well as your mannerisms. It can dictate your level of politeness, need for civility, social dynamics, and may also impact your goals in the interaction.
Depending on your ability to read the room, you can steer a conversation positively or negatively, leave a lasting impression on others (again, positively or negatively) and insert yourself into that conversation effortlessly.
Reading a room begins with raising your awareness.
Being self-aware of your impact on a conversation, whether good or bad, is the all-important first step. If you were recently at a work party and reviewing the events, think, “That conversation died quickly. Was it me?” — that’s enough introspection to lead to change. But if you persistently cling to the attitude of, “I am always this way. Learn how to deal with it” — you’ll never be able to read the room because you are operating with the intent to be inflexible and demand everyone else to adjust.
So, how does one learn how to read the room? How do you foster that skill?
1. Sit Comfortably With Silence
Shut up and listen. Listen to the topic, listen to the tone, listen to what is talked about and what isn’t talked about.
Some people talk simply to get attention. Others talk to just to steer a conversation in a direction they want. Listening, instead lets you know where a conversation and the communicators want to go. If people are very interested in the latest Netflix binge-worthy show, jumping into a conversation and talking about your birthday party plans might not resonate with them. Sure, they might be polite and continue with your topic, but it might not have been their desire or interest.
If some is talking about the sudden passing of a loved one and you jump into the conversation to mention an extremely fun weekend you had, you aren’t reading the room. It can come across as insensitive and tone deaf.
Set a mental timer for 30 seconds where they talk and you don’t. It sounds easy but it will hurt at first because you desperately want to interject. But when you resist that urge, you’ll start to become more comfortable with silence. You can start taking in information and learn about the other person; how they feel about the information, and once you enter a room, you’re better prepared. Do this in a group or one to one.
2. Become Attuned To Body Language
Look at how people stand, rest, angle themselves, prop themselves up and all the rest. Pay attention to how their shoulders are angled. Then notice where their chests are pointing. People open up their shoulders and chest if they are comfortable and open. They close up or minimize themselves when they are closed-off and uncomfortable.
Are they smiling? Frowning? Rolling their eyes? Making eye contact or looking distractedly around the room.
If someone is clenching their fists, pacing back and forth and breathing loudly, you better proceed with caution. If someone is clutching themselves, whimpering in a corner of the couch, maybe they need someone to console them or a caring ear to listen to their woes.
When entering a group conversation with two subgroups forming, looking at their body language can help you figure out if the groups were in opposition to each other, whether emotions were high and the situation was tense, or if the mood was light and people were jokingly or casually separating themselves.
Set a mental note for yourself the next time you enter a conversation. What is a person’s body language? If someone seems bored, disengaged, or aloof, try changing the subject or try to be more engaging and observe if their body language changes.
3. Listen To How People Say What They Say
Not only is the content important but the way it is being said is important. Noticing how someone communicates in their cadence, tone, volume, and pace can indicate extra information about how they feel. Just like a bored, unengaged teenager rolls their eyes, mumbles their words, and puts as little effort into talking as possible, this kind of nuance can express a lot in work meetings, group conversations, and one on one interactions.
When you walk into the room and your best friend exclaims, “HEY, You’re here!! You made it!”, they are communicating their excitement and enjoyment of your company.
When an interviewee is quiet, reserved, stumbles upon their own words and ends each sentence with a rising questioning intonation, they are communicating their nervousness, insecurity and lack of confidence.
These telltale signs are picked up on by people and communicate subtlety beyond the words you say.
These are the telltale signs of emotion - anger, happiness, anxiousness, fear, excitement. It can be subtle but communicated in the way your words come out.
Another consideration would be to consider what people aren’t saying. The way we say things and the way we avoid saying things typically hints at something deeper. It can give you the insight about context or hidden meanings. This can let you figure out the signs you observe in others and adjust accordingly when you need to withhold information, communicate information quietly or secretly as well.
4. What Are Your Surroundings Telling You?
Your environment communicates a standard for an interaction. You simply need to pay attention to what it is saying. Let’s say you go out to a fancy restaurant. How do you know it’s fancy? Maybe it’s the maître d' opening the door. Maybe it’s the ornate decorations on the walls and intricate designed tiles on the floor. Maybe it’s the ingredients in the food. Maybe it’s the number of utensils you have to choose from.
But certainly, it is communicated to you that wearing shorts and a tank top might not be appropriate. Maybe it communicates to you that asking for a hamburger and fries might not be realistic.
Recognizing the cues for casual or more formal interactions dictate how you communicate with people.
Who is in attendance? When you communicate with your grandmother, your aunts, your parents, you certainly don’t communicate the same way you do when you are talking with your cousin or your friends.
When you enter a space or enter a conversation, recognizing the environment and adjusting yourself for the entered environment is appropriate.
5. Engage When Ready
When you’re reading a room, the eventual goal is to contribute and participate. These steps are made to show you how to best read the room before you engage - not to prevent you from engaging. It’s simply a way to slow down your pace, assess the situation, and finally respond. If the tone is sad, you don’t have to become sad. You just don’t have to tell jokes or talk business. If the tone is happy and celebrating a specific occasion, you don’t complain about your work situation, talk business, or bring up celebratory reasons for yourself.
