Reduce Your Expectations.

Practicing a second language is a huge undertaking and endeavour.

When we think about the practice, the hard work, and the expectations for ourselves, we build ourselves up and our expectations for success are high.

Naturally, that is a reasonable expectation.

If I spend 5 hours on something, I hope that I can perform and demonstrate some competency that would otherwise not be present if I didn’t spend 5 hours.

We all want to do well. We all want to perform well. We all aspire to be great.

We want to have something to show for the work we’ve done and put into the activity.

Unfortunately, this can sometimes make us frustrated. If I don’t show progress immediately or if I don’t meet my expectations, that time invested was not worth it. Why would I continue to invest time, if I made no progress.

This can be a slippery slope of a mindset to have because it’s a results-based mindset.

If I don’t get this result, then I am not happy.

I certainly think we can be excited and happy about results and performance recognition, but they cannot be your only goal, nor can they be your primary goal.

Whatever you do, if you can train yourself to enjoy the process, focus on your growth over time, and enjoy that journey, then the results don’t matter.

The reason why this is important is because if you are results-driven instead of process-driven, then your entire valuation of your progress is solely dependent on your performance in high stress situations. This is because only high stress situations provide the high reward that you seek. After all, who would celebrate the successful interaction with a customer service representative on the phone if instead, I could celebrate a successful job interview.

The trouble is that high-reward situations crank up the pressure to perform well. And this undue pressure can be difficult for some people. Some people thrive and enjoy the rush. Others feel overwhelmed and paralyzed.

Being able to have low-stakes, low-pressure experiences communicating in English allows you to practice and try new ways of speaking in a safe space.

Low-pressure experiences mean the lows are less low, that the repercussions aren’t as life-altering.

I didn’t get that job because my English communication wasn’t good enough is way more pressure than the customer service rep at BestBuy couldn’t understand me when I practiced saying the word “Multimedia”.

Having a safe space and safe time to practice lets you feel comfortable practicing.

Imagine if you wanted to be a runner and the only time you run, you were running in an official race with competitors, an audience, and a recorded race time. You’ve watched all the YouTube videos, learned the techniques for running stride, have all the best running shoes and running gear, but each time you want to run, you only do so in a race.

This can be a high-stress situation where performance needs are high.

It never goes well because these are high-stakes situations where you haven’t established the muscle memory and the psychological comfort.

It can often times backfire and make you resent or shy away from running, especially as a beginner. You lose sight of the enjoyment aspect, the cool stories, the fun learning. Everything becomes a matter of performance - a need to achieve, do better, and get a result.

Another equally uncomfortable situation is driving a car. Imagine wanting to learn to drive a car and the only time you could practice learning how to drive a car was during a driver’s road test.

Every time you try something new, accelerate a little more aggressively, press the brake to test the sensitivity, try to learn the angles for reversing for parallel parking, someone is sitting beside you and judging your performance, grading it, deducting points. Stressful, right?

Instead, try to seek out low-stakes English communication situations.

Talk to coworkers outside of work for fun.

Talk to a store employee and ask for assistance (even if you don’t need it).

Ask a stranger for directions.

Talk to your Uber driver.

These are all low-stakes situations because you don’t know them so it doesn’t matter how successful the interaction is, the importance of communicative success is low (because it’s not work-related or an important personal talk), and the topic of discussion can be relatively simple. You aren’t talking about rocket science - just asking where the closest washroom is or if you look good in a specific article of clothing.

By practicing in low-stress situations, you can focus on your enunciation and communication. By practicing in high-stress situations, you are mixing goals. For example, in a job interview, not only are you trying to perform the best in your communication but you are also demonstrating your knowledge in the industry, your leadership if seeking a management role, your problem-solving and technical prowess. You inevitably are juggling many more things and once again, if you are relying on a results-driven goal, then you are demanding from yourself that you perform well on everything and if you don’t get the job, then you are inadequate on all fronts.

Set your expectations lower.

Let yourself have less pressure goals.

Talk to a stranger within the next week.

Practice using a new word in conversation.

Your an English idiom that you recently learned.

Here are some potential goals you can aspire to achieve.

• I will use a specific vocabulary word (Insert Target Word Here) 10 times this week to practice pronouncing it correctly. The success of achieving this goal will be a self-rating by me and I aim to be accurate 80% of the time in this coming week. I will rate myself based on whether I feel confident with the pronunciation and whether the listener asks me to repeat myself or needs clarification.

• I will use a complex sentence structure in my conversations at least once every 6 sentences I say 80% of the time in the next week. I define a complex sentence as a sentence with one independent clause and at least one dependent clause.

• I will practice using a rising intonation when asking questions to retail store employees and accurately use one 90% of the time whenever I enter a retail store. I must ask at least one question in every store I go to. I will rate my success based on whether I feel confident with the rising intonation and whether the listener understood that I was asking a question. If the employee does not respond, then it was not clear that I asked a question and expected a response.

• I will use the English idiom “That’s just the way the cookie crumbles” in conversation with a coworker to communicate when something bad has happened and that someone must accept things the way they are. I will use it at least once in the next week.

By seeking out low-stakes situations to communicate, you will find yourself more comfortable interacting with others and feel more confident in clearly communicating. As you become more comfortable with these low-stakes scenarios, you will find yourself more comfortable in handling a variety of situations, a variety of communication partners, and a comfort or ease in communicating with strangers.