10 Communication Frameworks To Boost Your Communicative Prowess.
I recently read an article by Dave Bailey, a tech CEO coach. He put into words a sentiment that I have felt and structured it in a way that was worth highlighting.
Communication goes far beyond ‘choosing the right words’. It involves understanding your audience, actively listening, and being able to empathise with people. It also requires good facilitation skills, the ability to control your body language, and a lot of intuition too. But clearly, word choice is critically important.
‘Choosing the right words’ is inherently built into the notion of verbal communication.
I cannot ask you to borrow a ‘pen’ if I choose the wrong word and say ‘scissors’ instead.
But…
‘Choosing the right words’ though, is the meta skill to evoke and elicit meaningful connection.
Everyone gets the first one right. Very few consciously recognize the second one or intentionally unlock the power of the second.
I loved Dave Bailey’s original headings so I’ll keep those the same as intuitive key takeaways.
When you think of English language learning and communication, it is very much focused on ‘choosing the right words’.
I challenge you to think about ‘choosing the right words’. And this is a skill that transcends learning English as a language but rather using communication as an effective tool for leadership and for connection.
As your English skills develop, there are nuances in language that evoke feeling. Feeling creates connection. Connection spurs people into action.
1. To convince, start with ‘why’.
When communicating an important decision to your team, lead with the reasons that motivated your decision, taking your listeners on a journey that led to your logical final decision.
When you have an invested audience, one that will pay sustained attention, communicating via a process-oriented framework builds trust and buy-in.
If your audience is unfamiliar to you or doesn’t have a level of foundational trust, communicating via a result-oriented framework presents the takeaways first - the meat and potato of the meal.
2. To win hearts and minds, show vulnerability, then vision.
If you spend enough time with people, you can smell people’s bullshit. You start to know intuitively whether people are speaking ouut of their asses or not.
As an effective communicator, showing vulnerability — by admitting that you don’t have all the answers, or that you too are scared sometimes — can foster a sense of connection . . . and hearts love connection. Then, your vision can provide direction for the team . . . and minds love a clear direction.
3. To make a request, use the NVC format.
Marshall Rosenburg’s book Nonviolent Communication (NVC) that can help you structure your feedback to others:
When ____[observation], I feel ____[emotion] because I’m needing some ____[universal needs]. Would you be able to ____[request]?
This powerful request structure frames an eventual request from observations, emotions, and universal needs. It avoids an accusatory tone and disarms an emotional reaction.
4. To make a point, stick to the 40-word rule.
Sometimes less is more, less gives space to sit with an idea. If you have something that may be hard to listen to, sum it up in 40 words or less. Be present. Be patient. If you have something hard to say, they have something hard to listen to and they should be given time to listen to and process it.
5. To engage, tell a story.
Stories tap into our emotions in a way that dry facts often cannot.
A brief setup, and a struggle that people can relate to.
Facts won’t resonate in the same way.
6. To empower, ask for permission.
Asking for permission empowers you to act. It shows respect and empowers others, disarming others from a knee-jerk reaction. It honestly goes against the grain of normal expectations - when a leader simply takes what they want. So when a leader asks for permission, it communicates trust and respect, and more often than not, people are more than happy to give it.
Do I have your permission to adjust the scope?
Do I have your permission to give you some feedback after that session?
Do I have your permission to jump in if we go off agenda?
7. To coach, ask questions.
To coach is to let others grow and to foster that growth. You cannot therefore jump in and solve other people’s problems for them.
Ask questions instead. Open, simple, curious questions, often starting with ‘what’ or ‘how’ are a good starting point.
8. To come up with new ideas, say ‘yes and . . .’
Avoid but. Replace it with ‘Yes, and…’ By accepting an idea and adding more information, you encourage others to build on top of it, rather than tearing it down.
9. To convince, empathize first.
Using a “feel, felt, found” structure structures empathy.
I know how you feel. I felt the same way, and I found that____ [evidence that changed your mind]
By doing this, you acknowledge their feelings, their frustrations, and elaborate on your personal experience.
10. To listen, be the last to speak.
By strategically being the last to speak, you can acknowledge, address, and frame your own ideas after having heard alternative opinions and suggestions first. You gain an information advantage and disarm those who feel unheard.
As you hone these skills, they will lend themselves to action.
There is a difference between:
I’m going to interrupt because we’re getting off topic.
Do I have your permission to jump in. We’re getting off topic.
Let’s circle back to the main point of the discussion.
I know how you feel. I feel the same way, and we will discuss that in more detail next time. Let’s focus on this first.
Although we are still communicating the same meaning, the way in which we communicate it conveys a different feeling and it is the feelings that are associated that impact our perception of connection.
As we become more proficient with English communication, how we connect with others and the subtle nuance of that connection becomes more vitally important than the content.
