Body Language Cheat sheet - Knowing What To Do To Communicate A more Confident YOU
Now, I’ve already talked about the importance of considering body language here and why you need to be actively aware of the communication you do with your body.
But it’s always nice to have some fairly clear-cut effective guidelines to help you communicate with your body
So here’s a quick no-nonsense general guideline for how to communicate effectively with your body. Check it out here.
I’ve written commentary below to expand on each bullet point further to explain in greater detail but the cheat sheet is a one page summary.
GENERAL RULES
Maintain social eye contact
You want to make a connection. You cannot connect with people if your attention and body language do not communicate connection. By making eye contact, you project confidence. When we are intimidated, guilty, uncertain, embarrassed, ashamed we look away. When we look for connection, are confident, are calm, are interested, are enthusiastic, are not overwhelmed, we look for towards people. If you still feel awkward, look between their eyes. They won’t be able to tell you are not exactly making eye contact.
Smile fully
You project friendliness and calm confidence when you smile genuinely. A genuine warm smile builds rapport with someone. The keyword is genuine though and a smile is more than just your lips. A genuine smile or Duchenne smile causes crow’s feet in the corners of your eyes and enough smile to reveal teeth.
A half smile of non-Duchenne smile can indicate nervousness, anxiety, or feel misleading or fake.
Open posture
Keep shoulders parallel
feet pointed towards them
Being confident equals communicating openness to others.
You have nothing to hide.
You have nothing to defend against.
You are displaying openness as a confident, calm, and in-control individual.
You are not presenting a blading defensive position to protect vital organs or to escape. You are not displaying a closed posturer by putting your arms across your body with you head or chin down. Your shoulders are wide and broad. Your feet are pointed towards them. You are not communicating that you were just leaving, that you don’t want to be interacting, or that you are looking to escape.
Mirror their body language
Pay attention to their body language and cues. If you mirror their cues, their smiles, their eye contact, their nods, then you are communicating on the same wavelength. The communication is reciprocated.
Do not self-soothe
Do not fiddle with your hands
Self-soothing behaviours are a communicator of vulnerability, discomfort and are seeking to comfort you. You only need comfort when you aren’t comfortable or confident in that moment. If we are trying to communicate confidence, then we cannot be showing these behaviors. I’m talking, no biting your lower lip, no covering your face, no rocking back and forth.
This is similar to self-touch or fiddling with your hands. If you are fiddling with your hands, you are communicating distraction, the need to calm yourself, or the need to
Breathe slowly
Shallow or rapid breathing can express stress, nervousness or anxiousness. Take a breath in, hold it in, count 1-2-3 slowly, and then breathe out. This can help you slow and regulate your breathing. Again, you don’t breathe fast unless you are high stress, high strung, exercising, or anxious. It does not communicate calm and in control.
Dress to Impress
Dress for the job you want. Remember, you are communicating with your appearance. Beyond what you saw or what your body language communicates, your appearance also communicates things about you. When applying for a job, they are evaluating you also on whether you will be a good fit for their team. A tattoo artist may dress in a way that communicates creativity, passion, or artistic vision. A banker may need to dress in a way that prioritizes muted tact and formality.
INTRODUCTIONS
Initiate a firm handshake
A good handshake is correlated with a positive first impression. It projects personal confidence and power. You are taking the initiative. You are extending good will.
If you get sweaty hands though, make sure the palm of your right hand is dry before shaking hands. You can use a handkerchief discreetly in your right pocket to dry your hand or run it under cold water before you work the room at a social gathering. If at a social gathering with food and drink, keep them in your left hand primarily so your right hand can do handshakes.
Nod slightly
A simple nodding gesture is an acknowledgement of the other person in North American culture - a recognition and respectful gesture in conjunction with a handshake.
PRESENTATIONS
Drink water
Drinking water has multiple benefits.
If you are thirsty, it’ll address that.
It also is a natural break or pause. It lets you re-settle, take a few slowed breaths, and gives you time to check-in with yourself. People often feel a dry throat because they are nervous, their throat tightens, and they are rushing.
Confident people are not nervous, are not rushed, and address their own needs. Confident presenters are willing to make the audience wait for them on bated breath. So drinking water indicates you dictate pace, you are in control, and you are the presenter. You are not rushing to spout information to them. They can simply look at the slides if they are just extracting information. They are here to listen to you, to hear the information the way you deliver it.
Make Eye contact
When looking out towards an audience, you still need to connect. By picking out individuals in the audience in quadrants of the room, you can successfully plan out people to look out towards in random order to connect. Don’t look down at your shoes. Don’t look up at the ceiling or lights. Look towards the people who are listening to you speak.
Use movement for engaged dynamics
You want to be dynamic as a communicator. You can use your arms and your legs. But it is important to recognize how much. Pointing, hand movements, and arm movements can express and qualify the emphasis of your words. Small and subtle hand movements express small emphasis. Big hand and arm movements express big emphasis.
You cannot talk about business profits with small and subtle movements because that communicates small profits, limited growth, and lack of confidence.
Walking around on a stage can be a tool to focus attention. Pacing back and forth though can communicate nervousness or agitation. Slow, intentional movement can draw people in. It all depends on how intentional you are with your movements.
Do not move backward
Moving backward and against the wall communicates you want to hide. You are not confident. You want to blend in with the wall. You want to appear smaller. When presenting, you need to recognize you are the centre of attention and want to be the centre of attention - after all, you are presenting. So you must present your most confident self.
INTERVIEWS
Sit your bottom back in chair
Sitting on the edge of your chair is anxious behaviour and you may slowly begin to slouch as you tire. If you slouch or lean back, it can look similar to boredom, disinterest or passiveness
Sitting upright with your bottom in the back of the chair lets you use the chair for back support. This lets you sit tall, upright and attentive.
Sit up and lean forward lean forward when speaking to them
Sitting up and leaning forward expresses confidence, friendliness and enthusiasm. You can make a remark, communicate active engagement and then return back to your upright posture after you are finished.
When sitting, keep your hands in your lap or steeple. Remember to not fidget or fiddle with your hands. The hand steeple is an act where you place the fingertips of both hands together, spreading them, and then arching the hands so that the tips of the fingers look like a church steeple. This is a display of confidence and is often used by those in a leadership position.
VIDEO CALLS
Be attentive.
With the Zoom call COVID-19 pandemic era, video calls are the norm. The camera is frequently on and people on the other side can see your hands, your eyes, and your facial expressions. So be attentive. You can be communicating your inner thoughts and feelings without realizing it.
Look at your video camera, not just your computer screen
During video calls, you lose the human connection. Many times, screens are the barrier between human connection and we often stare at the screen, not the camera. Therefore, the video feed we show others is us staring at something else. Staring down. Staring away. But not their eyes (aka the camera).
So even if you are confident, you are calm, and you are in control, to them, you may be looking down or away. To them, it can look the same as when in person, someone is looking away or down. And to them, that may register as unconfident, anxious, guilty, or stressed.
Nod along
Nodding along can show agreement and acknowledgement. It shows attentiveness and validity to the comments that others make. If someone on the call says, “I think we should do ____________”, a nod can show agreement and interest. If no one nods, it can communicate disagreement, passivity, or boredom.
Be aware of negative or expressive body language
Because your video camera is on, be aware of your negative or expressive body language. If you turn away from the camera, roll your eyes, raise your eyebrows, or close your eyes, you can communicate many negative emotions. Distrust, boredom, frustration, skepticism, disengagement. They can all be communicated without saying a word and especially on video calls, if there are several callers, one might see those behaviours, even if the speaker does not.
Now, most of these things should be fairly common sense. It’s not rocket science but the important thing is being attentive and conscious of these behaviors so that you can intentionally communicate things. You want to be aware of and intentional in designing your nonverbal communication just like you prepare your words in a speech.
